If you need to eavesdrop on any conversation anywhere, we're your go to guys. Don't believe us? Say a word out loud right now, any word, and we'll call you in the next minute and tell you what word you said. How's that for a demo?
Need aerial images of your competitors new manufacturing facility in North Korea? Video of a bothersome politician doing kinky things with an underage sex slave? If anyone can get them for you it's us, and if we can't get them we have the best photo and video faking labs in the business - faking events since July 12th, 1968
Need your message delivered in a hurry? Do we have a propaganda machine for you. We can saturate any location on the planet with enough radio signals to bake a cake. And of course we do SPAM.
At Venn Data we pride ourselves on our lack of ethics. You can be sure that we will handle your evil needs with a complete lack of regard for common decency, human suffering, future consequences or any other concern based on morality.
But it'll cost you, and you need to pay us up front.
We like being cranky and sleep deprived. We also chew meth tablets like most people eat bacon but you don't need to know how we do things. You just need to know that if we say we're going to do something it will happen.
Just sit tight and we'll be getting in touch with you soon. We know who you are, where you are, what you want from us, when you want it and why you came here. There is already a wet team on the way to whisk you off to one of our customer service centers where you will be interrogated as to your needs and where we can evaluate your credit and usefulness to our organization, so if you don't have what it takes to be a Venn Data client we suggest you start running now.
But not as sorry as you're going to be if you don't keep them to yourself. We don't like questions and we really don't like answers. When we say we really don't like them, we REALLY don't like them and neither do you right?
Rest assured, we we take secrecy dead seriously.